Friend Request

DSF Woman On Computer

It’s 9:05 AM. You just sat down to your workdesk and you log into Facebook. There it is, a brand new Friend Request awaiting your action. You look at the picture to determine whether you know them or not. Secondary recon has you checking out Mutual Friends. Where did I meet this person?!? Then it hits you: he was the guy chatting you up last night at the houseparty. He was cute. And funny. But do you let him into your world?

Facebook has been a great tool to connect with long forgotten friends and classmates, as well as a way to search for prospectives mates. We’re all a little nosey, looking to see what each other looks like, the adventures we’ve been on, who we married. With Facebook, we’re able to instantly glean tons of data on a person just off their home page. Of course most people have made their pages private to protect themselves from snoops, but there are ways to get around that, ways Facebook themselves certainly are advocating. But that’s for another post. Let’s get back on track.

So you see the request, check which friends you have in common, and you click on his page. Yep, private. Guess you have to ‘Accept’ to see anything else. And we all do it so we can gain access to that person’s page. You’re looking at religious beliefs, wall post, occupation, and if there are any women and/or children in the pics. Meanwhile, he’s gotten the notification that you’ve accepted his friend request. Guess what he’s doing? Yep! He’s getting the 411 on you too! Now, some people limit the information they put on Facebook to maintain a certain level of privacy. Right now, pictures are coming down fairly quickly, especially those bikini shots from the Jamaica trip with the girls. I’ve had female friends complain about guys ogling their pics, instantly  commenting when the pics are posted, even texting to say how great they looked. Bananas!

Now you’ve done your homework on his page, what’s next? Do you go out with the guy? Do you put him in the Friend Zone? I would say it’s a bit premature to make a determination like that based on Facebook. Nothing can replace face-to-face interaction, no matter how digital we are. I would caution about taking these profiles with a grain of salt. Remember, a profile is set up by me. I’m putting MY information out for you. The information I want you to know. Here’s a cautionary tale from a friend via Twitter:

“My girl has been talking to this guy she met a few months back. He’s a cutie, good job and tells her he’s 39 & never married with no kids. They’re kicking it & he’s talking about taking her on a vacay for Mem Day. They’re FB friends and he only has pics kicking it with the boys. So his story seems to be consistent. He has an ex-fiance but that’s all according to him. So she decides to see where it goes. Until this morning when she sees a comment posted on his FB status… #heresthecrazypart 1 of his friends (who went to school with him) comments & asks how his WIFE AND KIDS are doing???!!! WTH?? *DEAD* #majordetailyouforgottomention

#thisjustin when she confronted him on the wife & kids he said, “I’m technically separated from my wife, but you should never assume.” WTH”

That guy basically lied to the girl, set his profile up to make it look like he was single, but was done in by a comment. And that’s the one element you can not control on Facebook: What others say. You can eliminate your wall, you can hide your tagged photos, but the truth will come out some how.

Now that you’ve gone on a few dates, the meaning of what’s posted on his Facebook page takes on new life. You may have been non-chalant at first, but the more time you invest with this guy, the more you want to manage and protect your investment. But let’s save that for another time. I have to go, there are Friend Requests I need to Ignore.

What are your thoughts? Do you accept these Friend Requests?



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